My husband of nine years is a pretty non-confrontational kind of person. He doesn’t like to get into loud, yelling, fighting matches, but instead debates the issues he feels strongly about (usually politics, religion, and sports) in a calm, rational manner. So, when he met me, I think he experienced a culture shock. Not that I like confrontations (believe it or not, I really don’t . . . I don’t like making people mad or upset with me), but I do have opinions and I do share most of what I’m thinking or feeling. So, I became quite amused at how Paul had chosen to deal with a “discussion” we had a while ago about household chores. Those of you who have been married for any length of time have probably had the same discussion: who works harder, who does more around the house, who deserves a nap, etc., etc.
Well, we had been “debating”, let’s say, this very issue. Being a full time teacher myself, where I have to get up extremely early to get to my school, I felt I had every right to take a break from the daily chores and let him help out with the children and other tasks around the house. His job is on the road each day, but often he gets to sleep in, and many times, may actually take a nap in between his visits to his patient’s homes. He even has the luxury to come home before me when he has a cancellation. So, I felt I had the right to have a night off from supper, homework, cleaning, etc. Needless to say, I won the debate that night. (What can I say–I’m just that good . . .)
Except, a few days later, I discovered something sitting on the computer desk that indicated the discussion was not over. It was an index card–a list written in his handwriting. I don’t remember the exact list, but it was something like this: “I took out the trash. I fixed supper AND cleaned up three nights in a row. I picked up the kids after work. I put the clean clothes away.” You get the point. So, I brought the index card with the list into the room where he was watching a ball game and asked him what it was. He turned slightly red in the face and sheepishly grinned as he said, “It’s just an outline I made.” I asked why he needed the outline. His response? “So the next time we fight about chores, I have a list prepared.” The man made NOTES–AN OUTLINE, EVEN–for our next argument!!! He said, “Well, you’re just too quick with your words and I wanted to be prepared.” I had to laugh. What else could I do? Poor guy.
He’s right though. In a battle of words, I will win every time. Words are my life. It’s what I do. I wouldn’t be a decent English teacher if I didn’t have a strong sense of vocabulary and if I didn’t know how to use words effectively. I talk to my students about their own writing and how word choice is so crucial to making their work better. I once heard in a writing conference that word choice is all about “the right word, the right place, the right time.” Wow. Think about the words you use on a daily basis. Think about the words you use to each other, to your family, to your co-workers, to your friends. Think about how many words you use in a day’s time. Overwhelming, I’m sure, for some of you to consider.
Even though I could and would win in a battle of words, I don’t always take advantage of each situation where I could cut somebody right down to nothing. See, I’m also a pretty sensitive person too. No, I don’t cry at every event in my life, but I can get hurt easily because I am so incredibly passionate about–well, almost everything in my life. When someone tears me or my ideas, etc. down, it hurts deeply. And it takes me a while to recover from that hurt. So, while I could easily fight back and win with my own hurtful words, I have to remember how I feel when the wrong words are said to me at the wrong time and in the wrong place. It helps me control my tongue and helps me realize I don’t want anyone to feel that same way about something I’ve said to them.
Yeah, sticks and stones do hurt, but words can tear a person down. I plan to use my words to build others up.
Well said my friend. Even though I am afraid of actually writing a comment I will do it anyway. I say I am afraid cause I know my grammar is not very good at all. Anyway, you made me laugh with this one. I love to relate to others why our similar “debates” in life. I can also relate cause I think that Paul and John are so very similar. I am very proud of you for starting such a beautiful but challenging blog. I hope that when you become all famous and all you will remember us peons. LOL.
Love,
Maricruz
(BTW, for all of those who do not know. I am responsible for Paul and Kellie meeting. But I cannot take credit for where they are at now. A beautiful family of four.
Here’s what’s funny about this post. Jorge is pretty much the same as Paul in the sense that he is non-confrontational. He rarely will say anything if he’s upset and for about 99% of the time he is just extremely laid back. Side note: Ask him about how I snooped into my presents…oops
. Where they differ? Jorge WANTS me to take a nap just so he can play his games on he computer without interuption from me, which I think is pretty awesome! He also does chores around the house. Sometimes I will ask him to do them, and sometimes he just does them on his own. I am pretty lucky in those ways.
On the note about using words, I guess this would also fall under the category of “not knowing when to speak” or “not thinking things through before you speak.” Brandy says I do that all the time, which is probably true, but I’m not really one to hold back how I feel and since I don’t really care what others think about me (take me or leave me attitude) I don’t normally think of how someone else cares if I say something that wouldn’t necessarily bother me if said to me.
Maybe the next time I will think of my words like I think of luck. It all depends on when and where it happens
.
Funny I think You and A are the same when it comes to “discussions”. I would much rather talk calmly and quietly about whatever the subject. Funny how we all are made so different but the same in so many other ways..
This is good stuff Kelli. Keep up the good work.
This stuff is very publishable IMO.
OK did I spell “You’re” correctly?
I need to re-examine that rule
Ouch… this one hit a little close to home. I’m not proud of it, but verbal grenades are my weapon of choice. Thanks for the reminder.
First Kellie (my long lost friend
)) I love your blog and find you very talented and insightful. I’m looking forword to reading more from you.
Second, I want you to tell you husband that there is someone out there that completely understands his need for a list to plan the next argument. My husband is very good with words as well. I honestly think he could sell an electric blanket to a desert dweller with no electricity. So for that reason, I often find myself creating a mental list and plan of attack when I anticipate an argument with him in the near future. I still always lose (unless he decides to give in because he just loves me that much), but I at least hold my own a little longer than I would have with out planning ahead. LOL
Don’t know how I skipped this one…but LOVE it too!